Chivalry – the curse of the male when it comes to dealing with females. Many females say that they like a man to chivalrous – of course they do! But men, you should remember that females have to earn chivalry from you by their good behavior and attitude – it is not theirs to claim by right!
I was in a situation the other week where there was some banter and verbal sparring at my place of work between a couple of males and a female. After a while, the female ended up being outnumbered by about four to one and so a couple of guys took pity on her and in a chivalrous gesture they declared that they would withdraw from the fray as she was outnumbered. Quick as a flash she declared that she was well able to look after herself. You see, some females are indignant at being treated in this way – they feel as if they are being condescended to, or made out to be weak or in some way incapable.
Men! As Thomas Katt Esq. pointed out, you do not get hold of a poisonous snake and then, having got the victory, let go of it – it will turn around and bite you.
All was not lost in this exchange. The males pointed out to the female that in the next verbal exchange she would be shown no mercy since as she had pointed out herself – she was well capable of looking after herself. This exchange followed a week later. As soon as the males felt any sympathy or guilt in pressing home their advantage, they reminded themselves and the female that she was well able to look after herself. She was excluded from male ‘huddles’ where strategies were planned (with laughter).
F: ‘What are you saying?’ (Feeling of need to belong)
M: ‘This is not for you love – this is a male conversation!’ (said with humor) (Exclusion)
F: ‘Ahh! Here’s Mike! Mike will tell me what is being said. He’s my friend aren’t you Mike?’ (Female attempt to divide and conquer males)
M: ‘Normally I would but in this case, male loyalty takes precedence!’ (Male loyalty)
The female then adopted an emotional tactic of becoming quiet and giving the impression of being on the verge of sulking. The males refused to be drawn into this emotional territory and ignored it. Eventually, since this tactic failed, she gave the guys an opportunity to share some of her confectionery and sweets to rebuild connections.
The lesson here is that if you rightly and fairly have the advantage or upper hand in a situation with a female, then do not let a false sense of the need to be chivalrous allow you to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Remember – women are strong and can look after themselves. They have to earn chivalrous gestures from you by their good behavior and attitude.