Many males have been in the situation where they have met a female and are wondering whether she wants to see him again. Females are often indirect, or they may send contradictory messages, or they may try to set up a situation where you are one down. Two passengers have met on the train and been in conversation. The train nears its destination:
M: ‘Let’s meet up again. Where can I get in touch with you?’ (Male Adult orientation)
F: ‘I am here, there and everywhere. Perhaps it is best if I get in touch with you.’ (Female Adult orientation)
This is no good at all – it puts you one down because you are now dependent upon her and you are waiting for her to get in touch with you – if she chooses to. She may not bother – she may be trying to indirectly let the relationship fizzle out. Thus you are in danger of losing control of the situation. For the male, it is best to be very direct and to get this dilemma sorted right away:
M: ‘Look – If you don’t want to see me again then just tell me.’ (Male Parent orientation)
You are not a mind reader – you want to know where you stand – if she is not interested then you do not want to waste your time – there are lots more women out there. She may indeed tell you that she is not interested – and that is O.K. This is not the time to plead or beg – it is time to withdraw and stop wasting your time.
Or she may respond this way:
F: ‘If I didn’t want to see you then I’d tell you.’ (Female Parent orientation)
M: ‘That’s what I thought.’ (Male Parent orientation)
F: ‘You could stay at the Tavistock Hotel’ (Female Adult orientation)
M: ‘The Tavistock? Do you like it?’
M: ‘The Tavistock it is then.’
But you still try to find out where she is staying so that if you are really interested in her and she fails to call, then you may decide to call on her unannounced anyway. (Male Parent Orientation) If she does not give you her contact information, she is already well on the way to losing you and you are certainly not going to be waiting around wasting time just on the off-chance that she may decide to call. Even if she does call, you may well not be readily available to fit into her timetable and agenda.