Inquire Within (1) Should I pay for the meal?

pay-for-a-date-1

Recent ‘Agony Aunt’ question from ‘Suzie’: ‘On his first date with me, my boyfriend insisted that I pay half towards the meal that we had. Should I go out on a second date with him?’

WHAT!!??!

Listen love, this is 2016 not 1916!

Listen you males out there, since at least the middle of the twentieth century, females have been banging on about equality – equal rights, equal pay, equal representation blah blah blah. Even as I write this post, the British Government is introducing a law that will compel business who have over a certain number of employees to disclose pay differentials between males and females with the aim of establishing equal pay for men and women who do the same job. Quite right! At least in sentiment – men and women doing the same job for the same number of hours should receive the same wage.

Females have been fighting for equality for many years – now – who are we males to take such equality from them?

Equality means same wage for the same job carried out for the same amount of time.

Equality means going ‘dutch’ regarding a meal you have together – you pay half each.

Females have fought hard for equality and they should have it – and that means paying half towards the meal. Why on earth in the twenty first century is she expecting the male to pay? Is she a charity case? Is she in some sort of deluded ‘little princess’ syndrome? Does her self-worth depend upon how much you shell out for gifts and treats? If she is expecting you to pay for everything on the first date and you fall into the trap – then you could be setting yourself up for a very expensive relationship. Remember! Her self-worth does not depend upon how much you pay or on what gifts you buy. She is not a ‘princess’. She has equal status when it comes to paying for meals.

Of course you are free to willingly choose to pay for a meal or buy her gifts – but she has to earn such gestures by being a ‘good girl’. When you do buy her such gifts, you can of course remind her that you always get paid – and you decide the payment – not her. For more on this, check the post on ‘Chivalry’ HERE.

 

 

 

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Always doing as you are told?

Over-eager

Do you sometimes feel as though you are at her beck and call? ‘Do this, pass me that, go and do the other’? Here is a little power play that you can try.

If she asks you to hand her something – anything – a spoon, a cup, a newspaper – anything, something she wants or something that she has dropped on the floor, such that you have to take a few steps towards her to give her the requested item, then, if at that moment you feel that you are becoming her slave/errand boy and that she is taking advantage of your good nature, you can hold out your hand with the item that she wants, take half a step back, and make her come and take it out of your hand.

If this is a lighthearted situation, then you can have a wry smile on your face. If she is trying a power play on you and trying to dominate you, then you keep a very straight face – no smiles or sense of humor. Once she steps forward to take the item from your hand, you are ‘one up’ and if you are not one up, then you are ‘one down’.

She may of course play the ‘chivalry/gentleman’ card by saying that a ‘gentleman’ would walk over and give her the item she wants and that this would be the ‘chivalrous’ thing to do. In this case you can remind her that she has to earn chivalrous gestures by being a ‘good girl’ and that you do not and never have claimed to be a ‘gentleman’.

Want to see it in action? Here it is

 

 

Posted in Being a gentleman, Chivalry, male female relationships, Power plays, Relationships | Tagged | Leave a comment

Does she want to see you again?

strangers-on-a-train-poster-518x259Many males have been in the situation where they have met a female and are wondering whether she wants to see him again. Females are often indirect, or they may send contradictory messages, or they may try to set up a situation where you are one down. Two passengers have met on the train and been in conversation. The train nears its destination:

M: ‘Let’s meet up again. Where can I get in touch with you?’ (Male Adult orientation)

F: ‘I am here, there and everywhere. Perhaps it is best if I get in touch with you.’ (Female Adult orientation)

This is no good at all – it puts you one down because you are now dependent upon her and you are waiting for her to get in touch with you – if she chooses to. She may not bother – she may be trying to indirectly let the relationship fizzle out. Thus you are in danger of losing control of the situation. For the male, it is best to be very direct and to get this dilemma sorted right away:

M: ‘Look – If you don’t want to see me again then just tell me.’ (Male Parent orientation)

You are not a mind reader – you want to know where you stand – if she is not interested then you do not want to waste your time – there are lots more women out there. She may indeed tell you that she is not interested – and that is O.K. This is not the time to plead or beg – it is time to withdraw and stop wasting your time.

Or she may respond this way:

F: ‘If I didn’t want to see you then I’d tell you.’ (Female Parent orientation)

M: ‘That’s what I thought.’ (Male Parent orientation)

F: ‘You could stay at the Tavistock Hotel’ (Female Adult orientation)

M: ‘The Tavistock? Do you like it?’

F: ‘Yes.’

M: ‘The Tavistock it is then.’

But you still try to find out where she is staying so that if you are really interested in her and she fails to call, then you may decide to call on her unannounced anyway. (Male Parent Orientation) If she does not give you her contact information, she is already well on the way to losing you and you are certainly not going to be waiting around wasting time just on the off-chance that she may decide to call. Even if she does call, you may well not be readily available to fit into her timetable and agenda.

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Chivalry and pressing home the advantage

cloak

Chivalry – the curse of the male when it comes to dealing with females. Many females say that they like a man to chivalrous – of course they do! But men, you should remember that females have to earn chivalry from you by their good behavior and attitude – it is not theirs to claim by right!

I was in a situation the other week where there was some banter and verbal sparring at my place of work between a couple of males and a female. After a while, the female ended up being outnumbered by about four to one and so a couple of guys took pity on her and in a chivalrous gesture they declared that they would withdraw from the fray as she was outnumbered. Quick as a flash she declared that she was well able to look after herself. You see, some females are indignant at being treated in this way – they feel as if they are being condescended to, or made out to be weak or in some way incapable.

Men! As Thomas Katt Esq. pointed out, you do not get hold of a poisonous snake and then, having got the victory, let go of it – it will turn around and bite you.

All was not lost in this exchange. The males pointed out to the female that in the next verbal exchange she would be shown no mercy since as she had pointed out herself – she was well capable of looking after herself. This exchange followed a week later. As soon as the males felt any sympathy or guilt in pressing home their advantage, they reminded themselves and the female that she was well able to look after herself. She was excluded from male ‘huddles’ where strategies were planned (with laughter).

F: ‘What are you saying?’ (Feeling of need to belong)

M: ‘This is not for you love – this is a male conversation!’  (said with humor) (Exclusion)

F: ‘Ahh! Here’s Mike! Mike will tell me what is being said. He’s my friend aren’t you Mike?’ (Female attempt to divide and conquer males)

M: ‘Normally I would but in this case, male loyalty takes precedence!’ (Male loyalty)

The female then adopted an emotional tactic of becoming quiet and giving the impression of being on the verge of sulking. The males refused to be drawn into this emotional territory and ignored it. Eventually, since this tactic failed, she gave the guys an opportunity to share some of her confectionery and sweets to rebuild connections.

The lesson here is that if you rightly and fairly have the advantage or upper hand in a situation with a female, then do not let a false sense of the need to be chivalrous allow you to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Remember – women are strong and can look after themselves. They have to earn chivalrous gestures from you by their good behavior and attitude.

Posted in Being a gentleman, Chivalry, Females, male female relationships, Relationships, Understanding women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Responding to women’s sarcasm

sarcasm-funny-quotesOf course we can all be sarcastic when we want to be, but this method of insult can be a favorite tactic by some females because of its indirect approach.

Take this example:

M: ‘We have had our ups and downs of course but I have been married to the same woman for fifteen years now.’

F: ‘She is a very lucky woman.’ (Spoken in a derogatory tone of irony, her eyes raised to the ceiling).

Notice what happens with this kind of exchange – the words themselves are positive – but the words are spoken with an insulting, derogatory, demeaning edge because of the tone of voice and facial expression being used when saying them – hence the indirect quality.

The simple way to deal with this sort of sarcastic/demeaning/insulting comment is to ignore the tone of voice and facial expressions being used and thus take the comment in the opposite way from which it was meant – you take the words at face value – as a compliment. The exchange then proceeds like this:

M: ‘We have had our ups and downs of course but I have been married to the same woman for fifteen years now.’

F: ‘She is a very lucky woman.’ (Spoken in a derogatory tone of irony, her eyes raised to the ceiling).

M: ‘Oh she is!’ (said with a smug smile).

This response can further be enhanced if you so wish:

M: ‘Oh she is! I tell her how lucky she is every day!’

So here is the principle for dealing with this kind of put down:

a) Ignore the tone of voice and facial expressions, and

b) Take the words at face value as if they are a compliment.

Posted in Females, Husband, Insults, male female relationships, Relationships, Understanding women, Wife, Wives, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The ‘you don’t know what pain is until you have given birth’ syndrome

birth

You know how it is – one day you are not feeling too well – a bit of pain in your tummy or a sore throat – and you mention it to your female partner who immediately dismisses your suffering with ‘You don’t know what pain is until you have gone through childbirth!’ The constant dismissal by females of male suffering can be very irritating. One thing that you have to remember is that your female partner does not want to be your mother or your nursemaid. Your female partner may often act and speak like your mother but she does not want to be your substitute mother. The male who is constantly whining about petty illness is perceived by females as weak. Many males, when they feel ill, want some feminine sympathy from their partner and they may exaggerate their symptoms to try and provoke such a response. But in doing so they are presenting themselves as weak and placing their female partners into the mother/nurse role.

So, the first lesson is not to whine, moan and complain about petty illnesses. To do so makes you appear weak and unattractive.

If your female partner constantly uses the ‘no pain like childbirth’ syndrome then there are three approaches that you can take:

1) You can point out her constant use of the syndrome:

M: ‘Oh no! Not the ‘no pain like childbirth’ syndrome again! Have we got anything more original?’

2) You can respond in kind:

F:  ‘You don’t know what pain is until you have given birth!’

M: ‘No! You don’t know what pain is until you have been kicked in the balls!’

3) You can use her own strategy against her. When she is poorly and wants a cup of tea in bed and a bit of sympathy then you can say:

M: ‘Come on! Get a grip! You gone through childbirth so this is nothing in comparison to that! Get yourself up and make you own tea!’

Posted in Females, Girlfriends, Guide, Illness, Male female, male female relationships, Males, Pain, Relationships, Understanding women, Wife, Wives, Women | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Men!! Body hair – To wax or wax not

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